The Lightbulb Moments That Changed How I Parent (and How I Think)

Have you ever felt like you’re doing all the right things — reading the books, trying the strategies, listening to everyone’s advice — and yet somehow you still find yourself stuck in the same cycles of overwhelm, guilt, or frustration?

I think most parents of neurodivergent children know that feeling well.

For years, I thought if I just tried harder, found the “perfect” strategy, or learned enough, everything would finally click.
But the things that actually changed me weren’t complicated strategies… they were simple sentences.
Tiny pieces of wisdom that landed so deeply they ended up reshaping everything about how I parent, how I cope, and how I move forward.

Today, I want to share a few of them with you.

1. “Worry about the things you can control.” — My Dad

My dad has always called me Liz (yes, that needs its own blog post!) and when I was younger, he would often say:

“Liz… worry about the things you can control, not the ones you can’t.”

At the time, I rolled my eyes.
It sounded like something adults say when they don’t know what else to say.

But parenting neurodivergent children has a way of bringing that phrase into sharp focus.

I can’t control the meltdown.
I can’t control what school thinks.
I can’t control the noise in the shop or the plans that suddenly change.

But I can control how I respond.
I can control the space I create, the tone I use, the repair afterwards.

And that shift — focusing on the controllables — has been one of the biggest mindset anchors of my parenting journey.

2. “Does feeling guilty actually change anything?” — My Best Friend

One day, I was spiralling about something (as we all do) and my best friend asked me:

“Does you feeling guilty about it actually make any difference?
Or is it just keeping you stuck?”

Honestly? I felt exposed.

But she was right.
Guilt didn’t make me a better parent.
It didn’t fix the situation.
It didn’t move me closer to the solution.

All it did was drain me — and keep me frozen.

Letting go of unnecessary guilt doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It just means you free yourself up to actually move forward.

3. Passing the Wisdom On: The Two Phrases I Teach My Boys

From those two lightbulb moments, I created phrases I now use daily — with myself, and with my boys:

“It’s never what you’ve done; it’s what you do next that matters.”

We all lose it sometimes.
We all say the wrong thing.
Children see us repair, not just react — and that’s powerful modelling.

“Is that getting you closer to the solution, or further away?”

This one saves me (and them!) regularly.
It’s grounding, practical, and cuts through overwhelm instantly.

4 Simple Shifts You Can Try This Week

Here are four gentle, actionable mindset shifts that can support you when things feel heavy or chaotic:

1. Catch the guilt before it snowballs.

Ask yourself: Is this helping me, or is it keeping me stuck?

2. Redirect your attention to what you can control.

Not the tantrum. Not the teacher’s judgement. Not the weather.
But your breath, your tone, your next step.

3. Prioritise response over reaction.

The power is always in what you do next.

4. Choose the next small step forward.

Ask: Is this getting me closer to the solution?
If not, pivot gently.

How These Moments Changed Me

The biggest shift?

I bounce back faster.
I stay in self-compassion, not self-blame.
I model repair instead of perfection.
And I feel more grounded — even when life is anything but calm.

Parenting a neurodivergent child isn’t about getting everything right.
It’s about having the tools, the mindset, and the resilience to keep moving forward — one gentle step at a time.

If You’re Feeling Stuck Right Now…

Take a breath.
You don’t need to overhaul everything.

Just choose one small mindset shift from above and try it this week.
Let it support you, guide you, and soften the edges a little.

And if you’d love more practical, compassionate tools to understand your child’s behaviour and reduce overwhelm, you can explore my free resources anytime — they’re there to make your journey lighter.

You’re doing better than you think.
Laura x